Oh…Sir! The Hollwood Roast Review

If you want to hit the big time, then you better be able to take a knock, and the movie industry is a verbal battlefield or so I’ve heard. Someone’s always looking to to take you down a peg or two – fans, critics and friends alike. Oh…Sir! The Hollwood Roast is the second in the series and sadly it’s just the same game with a few minor improvements.

Do you remember the insult sword-fighting from the original the Secret of Monkey Island? Of course you do because it was the best point an click adventure ever made. Anyway, the fights themselves were not won by being the better swordsman, but by wielding the sharpest wit and insult your foe with it.

You and your opponent take turns insulting each other. Form quips from a shared pool of words and phrases, each which score points differently depending on the adversary. Points awarded detract from the opponents health bar and the process repeats until one of you can’t handle the pressure anymore.

Playable characters include parody versions of actors and fictitious characters, from Marilyn Monroe to Gandalf the Grey. Most of the characters are interesting but a few shine out due to character/actor mashups, Harry Potter has the voice and attitude of Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood) and as a result is called Dirty Potter. Marilyn Monroe is mixed with Morpheus (Lawrence Fishbourne) from the Matrix, all portrayed in comical fashion.

Each character has strengths and weaknesses but I found the AI to always fail at capitalising on mine. Marilyn Monroe for example does not like to be called old, pointing out her fading accolades is a sure way to get her to back off quickly. After taking enough verbal abuse you can add an appropriately snappy ending to your insult in the form of a ‘Comeback’ button. They are always unique to the character your playing but it’s always the same uninspiring result, it does add extra points though.

Where the game falls flat is with its insults. The very core of the game. None of it is insulting, I was expecting a mild and friendly spin on Cards Against Humanity but what I got was “your dad meditated on your last movie”… that’s just one of the lame insults thrown at me by the AI.

I actually found it offending that the game believes it is funny when it’s just a poor handed attempt at humour. There’s no charm and very little to no relevance on the modern or current Hollywood scene, just a mind blowing repetition of incoherent babble.

Oh…Sir! The Hollywood Roast totes a swath of poorly handled references and a sense of humour more suitable to a 4 year old. The only entertainment I can see coming from this…. actually no, I see none. I was bored from the offset, I admit I was hyped as I thought myself a quip-pro-quo masterclass, having played Monkey Island to death many times over the years but sadly – as I said earlier – this title is flatter than a very flat thing being flattened by a professional flatten-er.

OVERALL: 4.2/10 – BAD

Reviewed by Michael Jones.

(Disclaimer: CONQUEST received a review copy of Oh…Sir! The Hollywood Roast, however this does not in any way affect the scoring of a game or our thoughts on the game itself. We believe in total honesty and being transparent with you.)

Resident Evil 2 At 4K!

Back in 1998 one of the greatest sequels ever made graced our PlayStation, Resident Evil 2. Considered one of the best in the franchise and in my opinion, it holds that crowning top spot. It brought more action the table, 4 different ways to play-through and my favourite bad guy of the bunch. The tension created by just exploring the environment was palpable.

We follow Leon Kennedy, his first night on the job as a police officer and Claire Redfield, in town to visit her brother Chris who’s been uncharacteristically quiet of late. Leon and Claire have two playable campaigns each and there are also a couple secret ones played out by some secondary characters, like corporate saboteur Ada Wong for example.

The remake has changed a few things, opting to go with an over-the-shoulder perspective, first used in Resident Evil 4 …with a more mature Leon Kennedy (its like he’s brought it back from Eastern Europe with him) and the team stated at E3 that this remake will really shake things up, not everything will be where you expect it to be. So if you’re thinking – this will be easy, I remember where everything is from the original – think again.

It’s been confirmed that this glorious remake will be optimised for Xbox One X and PlayStation 4 Pro running in 4K if you choose, however it won’t be able to play at 60fps this way.

Resident Evil 2 remake will release on January 25th, 2019 for PS4 and Xbox One.

Written by Michael Jones.

Gaming To Blame?

Yeah? So’s your face!

The success of PUBG has in turn spawned an even larger success in Fortnite. Following a mediocre financial reception to their survival-craft-zombie-horde-defence-cooperative-action-shooter (actual genre. Fact), Epic games saw it fit to add a Battle Royale mode. Since then the game has crushed all expectations and sports one of the largest fan bases ever achieved in gaming, catering to the casual and core markets alike.

But here is where things turn a little sour. All successful games come under criticism at some point and end up with a large target strapped to the back. Mainstream media and day-time shows love to stir up some of that brown stuff that usually hits the proverbial fan.

The difference this time, it’s not the typical rehash of old arguments. It’s not Gran Theft Auto or Call of Duty being scrutinised for its depiction of real-life aggression/violence or crime, no no. This time it’s the addictiveness of gaming in general and Fortnite is “apparently” the culprit. Using the greatly popular title as a scapegoat for antisocial behaviour in our children.

Fortnite‘s battle royale mode launched on a free to play model last year, in fact I would argue that this is responsible for around 80% of its player base. Now when you have a multi-platform internationally successful title thats free to play you can expect a large amount of youngsters enjoying in the fun. And this is exactly the problem …”supposedly”.

So I’m gonna throw an image your way, an image grabbed from the social media account of a prominent morning tv show here in the UK. Which has been a staple of getting ready for the day for decades …and I mean decades.

I apologise, I truly mean no offence …but, just look at it. No doubt the most offensive item you’ll see today. I’ve come across this argument twice before and both times I’ve failed to coalesce or articulate my own counter argument. Not because I couldn’t think of any reasoning but because these arguments got a little heated if I’m being honest. No matter what would say, all I would receive is blind rhetoric or refusal, statements based on a shallow understanding of Fortnite and a dismissive view of video games in general.

So my initial spat would be “they’re children stop them playing” or at least something like it. Only to be verbally slapped with the greatest answer known to man. Oh it’s brilliant, stupendous. Ends all arguments and works in so many situations …ahem, “You don’t have kids” they say.

Well, “So’s your face!.” Right? When someone says something daft to me I cannot help but reply with a brain fart of equal magnitude. Me not having kids has no relevance, the fact that your child has anger issues when not getting his/her own way or withdrawal symptoms when not playing games is the problem here.

Yet once again the media turns it’s attention to video games in attempt to shade them in negativity. Children of the world are not the problem here. Games of any genre or platform are not the problem here. Even the media are not the problem with their half cut news, purely created to incite misdirection away from the real issue. Parents. Parents that fail to understand the art form and the restrictions in place to protect our youth.

Let’s make something 100% clear, it’s not Fortnite’s fault – or any other game for that matter – if a child plays it too much. It is not a child’s fault if their behaviour changes when they aren’t able to play. Just like most things in life we like, gaming can be addictive and moderation or boundaries must be put in place for a healthy balance.

Would you blame food for the reason your child started gaining weight? Of course not, you would educate yourself and then your children and set restrictions to protect their health. Sweets, chocolate and fizzy drinks are addictive but we don’t let our children indulge on them all day. So why do we do it to games?

The Xbox 360 was the first console on the scene to introduce parental controls. To many this just seemed like a pointless addition …”it’s just a few games, my kids will be fine.” But the reality that’s slapping us in the face now demands you look at these controls much more seriously.

There is a ratings board out there for games, just like the movie industry and it’s no less serious. Using parental controls built into consoles as standard these days you can stipulate which rating is appropriate for your children – as a whole or individually. You can set which movies and TV shows can be seen, how long your children can use the console on a daily or weekly basis and whether or not they can access Xbox Live at all.

I’m an adult (honest), I love video games, it is my passion and hobby. A career in the industry would be a dream come true. Often I wish I could play games when I can’t, wether it’s just life getting in the way or I’ve decided I cannot play right now, it doesn’t matter. The point is that moderation comes naturally to me because I was taught how.

Don’t paint gaming in a negative light for faults elsewhere. Stop this ill-thought crusade, attacking something many either refuse to take seriously as an art-form or refuse to admit fault. Educate yourself on what your children are playing. Educate yourself on how you can guide your children’s gaming sessions for the better.

There are a few problems in games and just as widespread, such as underage gambling in the form of loot-boxes paid with real world cash, games made by white supremacists and other hate groups. These problems lay with the distribution platforms and publishers in both cases. I don’t know who thought it would be a good idea to let a game about shooting kids at a school release via Steam but it arrived there none the less.

Rather than tackle the real problems, mainstream media and politicians will always look for the answer that suits them.

Nobody wants to admit the fact that bad parenting is at the root of the “Fortnite Addiction,” nobody likes to admit their own failings. As anyone familiar with any addiction rehab program would tell you, there are 12 steps …one of the first of those, is admitting you have a problem.

Written by Michael Jones

Soulcalibur VI Release Date & Collector’s Edition

E3 week is truly brimming with news and announcements, Bandai Namco took the opportunity to deliver a Story Trailer for their upcoming fighting game, Soulcalibur VI. At the end of the trailer we finally got the release date, October 19th, 2018.

More news came in the form of a look at the Deluxe and Collector’s Editions that will be available. The Deluxe Edition will come with the full game, metal case with built-in soundbox featuring 4 in-game voice-over snippets, soundtrack disc and the season pass.


The collector’s edition seems to remove the season pass and replace it with more physical items like the 120 page art book, collector’s edition box and a 12″ collectable Sophitia figure.


For more E3 news, you can find it all here, at CONQUEST.

Published by Rhys Baldwin.

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 DLC Revealed

During Nintendo’s E3 2018 Direct Presentation DLC was revealed for Xenoblade Chronicles 2. Torna – The Golden Country will be available on September 21st.

“Guide a group of legendary warriors on a journey through the tragic history that doomed a kingdom and drove a hero down a dark path 500 years before the events of Xenoblade Chronicles 2. Defend yourself from Malos and his forces using all the fury of this refined battle system, allowing you to fight as both the artificial lifeforms known as Blades and their masters, the Drivers.”

Published by Rhys Baldwin.


The E3 conferences are done, during the Nintendo Direct Presentation DAEMON X MACHINA was announced and is from the team at Marvelous Entertainment.

It is a brand-new, fast-paced mech action game from Kenichiro Tsukuda and is coming sometime in 2019.

Published by Rhys Baldwin.

Fire Emblem Three Houses Announced

The Nintendo Direct Presentation for E3 2018 has come and passed, I personally found it slightly lacklustre but there were a few announcements I’m more than happy with. Fire Emblem Three Houses was revealed and is set to come out sometime in Spring 2019.

For more E3 news, you can find it all on our homepage.

Published by Rhys Baldwin.